Alright. Outlining, flashcards, reading the textbooks--much too hard. My new plan for finals is as follows:
1. Look at old exams. Operating under the assumption that a professor would never ask an exam question covering anything that one of his exams has covered in the last ten years, I'm going to meticulously catalog all of the topics touched on in past exams. THEN, I'll rip out all of the pages in the textbook covering those topics, along with any topics not mentioned on the syllabus. Whatever remains is what I shall study.
2. Get to know my professors better. And by that I mean getting to know their wives. Or girlfriends. Or pets. To do well on an exam, you really need to get into your professor's head, see life the way he does, and that requires certain sacrifices. It may also require driving their cars for the next few weeks.
3. Experience the Law first-hand. I'm thinking a rough sampling of the Texas Penal Code here, with special attention paid to Title 9: Offenses Against Public Order and Decency, and, time permitting, possibly some of the more obscure crimes, like Abuse of a Corpse and Improper Harpooning of a Snow Weasel. I may also look into abridging the substantive due process rights of a stripper or two.
4. Intimidate the shit out of my classmates. We are, after all, being graded on a curve. My first order of business is to create a life-like holographic projection of me reading in the library; it'll stay there 24-7, and will respond to direct address only by saying "Time. TIME! I need more TIME!" Also, I find that asking a classmate a fairly basic question, and then responding to their answer with a loud cackle and an energetic little jig, is fairly effective. Finally, raising your hand in class to ask questions--"What do we do if we finish the exam more than an hour ahead of time?" or "When you said that my 'performance' last night was more than good enough to guarantee me an A+, were you referring to our passionate lovemaking, or to my rendition of "I Feel Pretty" that followed?"--can go a long way toward setting your peers on edge.
5. Find Christ. Alas, I fear that this can only end badly. But Bravo is running another West Wing marathon next Thursday and Friday, so all is not lost.
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Posted by: Petor Jukar | February 03, 2005 at 02:48 AM