I come to you now as a member of the World Champion UT Law Co-Ed Intramural Softball Team. We won the champiosnship in extra innings tonight, and it has changed my life forever. This much I know is true.
It's not the fact that we are now Winners and everyone else Losers that makes me happy. I've been winning pageants and cook-offs all my life, so the title of Champion is certainly nothing new. And the notion of physically dominating someone else is similiarly unappealing. Now, maybe if that someone were a Russian gymnast covered in Crisco, it would become slightly more appealing...but Russian gymnasts are pretty scarce at UT Law. I think most of them ended up at Michigan.
Me, I'm celebrating for one reason and one reason only: We Got Intramural Champion T-Shirts. They are grey, and they are wonderful.
I will wear this shirt to class tommorrow, and the next day, and the next. When called on, I will simply point to the shirt and say "Champions Don't Get Called On." I'll wear the shirt to exams, and after exams I will wear the shirt---and only the shirt--to all of the post-exam parties. People will say stuff like "Hey, that guy's not wearing anything but an Intramural Champion Shirt!" and "Hey! Put on some pants before you sing karaoke!" But I won't care.
I'll wear the shirt to my next LSAT class, skipping the session on Matching Games to talk about how well I draw a walk. I'll wear it to my interviews in the fall, refusing to answer questions about anything but my on-base average. And, goddam it, I will wear it to graduation. I may not graduate with honors. I may not even graduate at all. But I will be there. And I will have the shirt. And it will be grey.
God Bless the Team.