I Study for This Exam: A Meditation

I just got back from Thanksgiving like everyone else, and I'm way behind on writing my Christmas cards, so here's something from last year that might be helpful, now that exams are a week away.

I study for this exam.

I study for this exam knowing that it will be arbitrarily graded, that 125 papers is too much for any man to stay awake through (let alone care about), that my professor’s four-year old will be given free reign with a gigantic red crayon, and that a slight hitch in the wrist of the blindfolded chimpanzee throwing my particular dart could mean the difference between an A+ and a C+. But still, I study for this exam.

I study even though there are important football games to be watched, real books to be read, terrible wrongs to be righted, flowers to be smelled, babies to be kissed, animals to be petted. I study knowing that all over the world there are people who wake up each morning thinking “My God, it is great to be alive!” instead of “My God, there are only two days left until the exam and I haven’t done a single practice question yet I am totally fucked and should probably quit right now to save myself the pain and humiliation of being the ballast at the ass-end of the curve and flunking out after only one semester please someone, anyone, HELP ME!” I know this. And I know it is wrong. But still, I study for this exam.

I study for this exam in the hopes that it might impress someone, that the girl from my section in the coffee shop will think "My, isn't he dedicated," so that my professor might, upon reading my exam, declare that I should immediately be given not only an A+, but a JD, an LLM, and a tenured professorship. I study because I believe, on some deep, visceral level, that my studying will yield an exam so perfect, so sublime, so deserving of the highest imaginable praise that Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. himself will show up on my doorstep and ask to shake my hand. And I study because I have not yet let go of the delusion that I might be the one who breaks the cycle, who ends up pleased with his grades, who makes it to February still liking law school. Irrational? Yes. Delusional? Certainly. Will that stop me? Not likely.

Because as the hours continue to melt away, each one taking with it another ounce of self respect, another shred of dignity, I am certain of very little. I'm not sure why I came here, I don't know where I'm going, and as of this moment I'm only marginally confident that I can remember my own name. But, when this is all over, let it not be denied that, if nothing else, I did indeed, study . . .for this . . . exam.

Postscript:

I was going to post the 2L version of this particular prayer, but it ended up pretty short. It read---

I study for this exam during the commercial break between Desperate Housewives and Boston Legal, which is like four whole minutes, unless you count the thirty seconds I spent watching the Victoria's Secret spot. But still. That's a lot.

--and I didn't think that it would be very inspirationalish to anyone. Sorry.

-Mike

Comments

[ames]

that's pretty much nailed it, especially the 2L version. Studying? Not so much.

[Ian R]

Tonight I will test my knowledge of Evidence by asking what portions of Monday Night Football would or would not be admissible.

For example: Is Mr. Farve's sickening record of starts kosher 404 evidence?

What is going to happen next year? Will we remember to go to the exams?

[lawgeekgurl]

my contracts professor told us weenie 1Ls prior to our first semester exam that in order to achieve the same grade spread as the mandatory curve, he could take the exams and pitch them down a flight of stairs - those which landed at the top would get A's, those clumped in the middle - B's, and those on the lower stairs the C's and so on. The representation would be exactly the same, and without the pesky task of actually grading said exams. I never had faith in the grade scale after that.

[Kimmie]

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