This is the Story...

Dear The Real World,

It has recently been brought to my attention that the next season of The Real World is to be broadcast from Austin, TX, which is, conveniently, where I live. I know that you've probably selected your cast already, but I would like for you to consider me as a candidate anyway. It would be easy for me to replace the inevitable Hot White Guy Who Claims to Have Black Friends But Would Really Like a Chance to Understand Black People Better, or perhaps even the by-now-expected Raging Alcoholic With Amazing Abs. I would also willing to be gay. Or a woman. But before you get distracted by the possibilities, let me explain why my unique life situation would be great for the MTV audience.

I am a law student. This means that I would be at the house all of the time, because I have no actual friends. It also means that I could start practically every sentence with the phrase "As Your Attorney, I Advise You To..." which wouldn't get old until at least the third episode, which is when I'd probably have the three-way with the multi-racial lesbian and the Southern Baptist field hockey star anyway, so the timing would work out just fine.

Also, my extensive knowledge of both tort and criminal law should come in handy during Episode Seven when half of my roommates are tossed in jail for public intoxication, and then again in Episode Nine when Stan the Alt-Rocking Asian gets sued for groping a stripper at The Yellow Rose. (Which is, by the way, one of the several Austin gentlemen's establishments that you'll want to clear for filming. Just a warning.)

Additionally, we could work in this sweet gimmick where I would take my laptop into the confessional, and all of my videotaped confessionals would be simultaneously documented on my extremely popular weblog, exposure that could really do a lot for your show's visibility and ad revenue. That is, of course, assuming that the house will be setup for wireless internet access. It will be, right? (And, while we're on the subject, I'm also going to require my own room with completely white furniture and window coverings, a Sleep Number bed set to 17, a DVD library featuring every episode of Who's the Boss?, and a neverending supply of Junior Mints.)

All in all, I think that this could be an extremely lucrative relationship for everyone involved. I look forward to your call.

Sincerely,

Mike

P.S. Tell Mallory that Ace doesn't deserve her and that she should really call me back. Thanks.   

Comments

If you want to be on the Real World TV Show, you have to submit a real application. They might not see this blog. And they probably want to interview you in person, too.

[Captain Obvious]

Sorry, I forgot to leave my name on the last post. See, the deal is that I don't have a sense of humor, and in its own sick, twisted way, that makes me funny as hell.

So then you've settled on Junior Mints as your candy of choice? Good call.

[gerry]

Another reason for you to be included would be the inevitable fake id arrest that usually precludes the public intoxication charge.

[Ojo Rojo]

Uhhh, before you submit your proposal I'd amend it to include some gratuitous nudity in episode 1 and at least 5 run-ins with the bitchy black chick. That always gets 'em. (I'd also demand mandatory appearance on Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes Challenge #38-The Abyss.)

How do you know who the other housemates will be on the new Real World and what they will be like? Are they on the website already? I checked and they're not.

[principessa]

Good luck with that -- I'll be sure to watch for you ;-)

On another note...

I'm trying to raise money for March of Dimes: Walk America through a blog raffle. Have anything you can contribute to the prizes?? Maybe a banner or blog design? A fantastic guest post? A call-out on your fabulously popular blog? A copy of your favorite book? A cd of the most wonderful songs? Visit me if you do... or just if you want more info!

If not, no problem -- but be sure to come visit (and donate if you can!) next week!

p.s. If you're willing to link to me next week to send traffic the raffle's way, let me know & I can send you the code for a pretty button!

[Reckless Murder]

And here I was thinking I was the only one that thought Mallory was way too hot for Ace. We really do think alike. Sorry, Wings, I'm just a 1L, but when I get my own Tort firm I'll buy your adspace/naming rights...whatever crap you were selling on Ebay (the non-stop garage sale).

Here is a topic for discussion. Mallory or your choice of the Bush twins. I'll let you know which of the twins I meet first out here in DC. I'm trying.

[casey the 1L]

You must not realize that Austin doesn't want them here. The city, itself, told me so. Therefore, the revolution has begun...they have already been tossed out of the Aquarium, and being a raging alcoholic, you know how hard it is to get tossed out of there.

VIVA LA REVOLUCION AGAINST LA REAL WORLD-O.

casey

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