I had the following forwarded to me by Donna at Sunny Side Up. It seems to be spreading:
Behold, the Caesar’s Bath meme! List five things that people in your circle of friends or peer group are wild about, but you can’t really understand the fuss over. To use the words of Caesar (from History of the World Part I), “Nice. Nice. Not thrilling . . . but nice.”
1. DeathCab for Cutie. I like them just fine. And I like The Postal Service, too. But after awhile they start to sound like the soundtrack to one of those indy flicks that stars someone you once enjoyed in a supporting role, someone like Peter Sarsgaard or Chloë Sevigny, but you get to the end of it and look at your significant other and go “Did I like that? I’m not really sure.”
2. Justice Breyer. What’s the deal with women and Justice Breyer? It’s like every time I turn around, some chick is telling me about how they’d love to lick his shiny baldness or dress him up in doll clothes. I mean, the guy is gorgeous. But he’s not that gorgeous. I’d look hot, too, if I spent fifty hours a week in the gym.
3. Jenna Jameson. Look: I’m not complaining. I’ll watch a Jenna Jameson production before I’ll watch a lot of things. Videos of my friends’ babies, for example. But I don’t understand her total dominance of the adult video industry. I find her squeals a bit contrived, and her tattoo a bit distracting. I guess a little marketing savvy goes along way when you’re good at being naked.
4. Sushi. I’m not grossed out by sushi. In fact, the first three times I had it I thought it was the best food ever. But now any time I end up at a sushi restaurant, all I can think about is the fact that I’m not eating, like, meat. It’s the same feeling I get when I get dragged to a vegan joint. There’s just a spot in my stomach that never gets filled at a sushi place, no matter how much fatty tuna I order. And that spot makes me cry.
5. Babies. Okay. I get it. You need to procreate. You need that feeling of immortality that comes with watching a smaller version of yourself puke on the couch. But why does it have to be my couch? When did they write that rule that says just because I’m married, it’s suddenly okay for people to bring little burping, crapping, vomiting creatures into my home? Why is it just assumed that once you have a baby, you get to bring it wherever you want? I know lots of people with sick grandparents, but they manage to leave them behind. And I know people who buy dogs. But those people don’t just assume that they can bring their dog into my house. Well, some of them do. But fuck those people. Look--it’s not that I hate babies. It’s just that I hate your babies.
That’s all I’ve got. But I will toss the meme pie to:
Jeremy, because it’s weird that nobody made him do this yet.
PG, because she’s single-handedly holding things together at De Novo and could use more to write about.
And Professor Leiter, because I’m failing his Jurisprudence exam in a few weeks, and forwarding gimmicky blog memes seems like the sort of thing you do to someone who is going to give you the first ever G+ in the history of law school.
UPDATE: You'll notice that while Jeremy and PG indulged me and endured this particular annoyance, Professor Leiter chose not to. He did, however, read this post and take the opportunity to scare the shit out of me again, this time in class, by suggesting that he was not at all opposed to the idea of handing out a G+. So, there that is.